Am I a Lost Soul?

Everyday is full of excitements and suprises. Eventhough it might just be like a regular week in and out of Uni, there are still small little things that happen and make that day or week slightly different from the others. Today I was left thinking about me. Who am I? Am I just another lost soul you see on the street with no sense of direction about their life? Do I just follow where the crowd goes and see where it leads me? Or am I the one to point people to the destination? I don't know.

To be honest, having to leave home and coming to a foreign country at the age of 18 is a blessing but in the same time difficult. I am living so many people's dream. I am so lucky to have parents who can support me through all these despite their heavy heart and worries for me to study and live alone in a country or state they have never been to.

All that people see are the exterior which is fancy and glam but they often neglect the interior. The fear of not being able to adapt. The fear of not being able to withstand the pressure. The fear of mixing with the wrong clique. The fear of not being able to live in a place without family. So far, having been in Adelaide for almost 2 years, I would say that I am adapting well and coping with the stress in University while having family by my side.

In addition to all that, I am having a bunch of crazy yet hardworking yet caring yet smart friends to be with in the midst of not having our family with us. Being a family person, there are alot of things that I would keep it to myself and only share it with my family instead of with friends. I do tell my peers things that are going on in my life but that are only confined to shallow topics where they would only be able to see me as they see the surface. They do not know what is underneath. They don't see the corals, the fish or even the shark that are swimming freely in the deep blue sea. There are people who would reveal the whole sea to their friends but I am just not like that. I guess, it's because God made us all differently, uniquely, and fearfully.

However, since I came to Australia, my friends are the people I am closest with. Having to live with my best friends this year, I realized I am less reluctant in sharing my lifestory. Eventhough there are still things that are kept behind the thick and tall wall, it is starting to collapse bits by bits. This is because I felt that they will not judge me nor will they gossip about it. As they tell me about their stories, I tell them mine too and that pulls the two unrelated ropes closer to each other.

How about peer pressure? I do admit that I failed and gave in to it. The things I talk about with my friends here are not the same as my home friends. We talk alot about a certain topics and in a way it is good as it helps widen my horizon. So that would be something that I do not mind. There are things that I do not normally do but now I will. I still doesn't curse and I am glad my friend do respect me of that. Not that they curse but they do accidently mention it once in a while. There are slight rough words that would slip out of my lips but not frequent at all. It does bother me when I see my friends change or try to adapt to their clique. Trying to do things to seek for acceptance. There is nothing wrong with that, but is that worth it? I am not the one to judge.

But I do hope I am not like that. I do hope that I can still see where the arrows are pointing. I dont want to follow them blindly thinking they can bring me to the place I want to be. I do not want to be a souless man. I want to be someone with intergrity and know my stand. I want to make my parents proud that despite how the world is revolving now, I will remain the same as the daughter they cherish and love. Someone they can trust and lean on. I want to be TAMMY YEONG SZE LYNN.

Anyways, sorry for the long post but I just wanted to type down my thoughts after going through today. Good job if you manage to read till this without skipping the middle part. Then, maybe you want to tell me your opinion? Leave a comment if you do.