Speech of Silence

At moments like these, perhaps silence is the best thing to do. Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing will be so much better than what people want to tell you. It might be really annoying and confusing in the beginning, but as time goes by, everything will be alright. Sooner or later you will get used to it or perhaps immune to it.

That's all I can say. Don't ask me as you'll still get the same answer...a silence. Blame me if you want, but my stand will never change.

-Trying to let go. But it's not easy-

Blank

I realized I don't know you anymore. You had became so foreign to me that I don't know where to begin again. Perhaps, I am never really close to you.

I don't want to always be the one stepping forward. Can it be that way? Why must I be the one? I am just too exhausted as I took so many steps but yet, you're taking steps back and thus the distance will never change. It never becomes nearer but only further.

Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong. Maybe YES..Maybe I should change myself but I can't help by just being who I am. Maybe, it is just meant to be a teenager, silly mistake that I should say GoodBye to. Will never look back again as things can never be like before.

12th September 2009

It was just an ordinary Saturday but it's filled with extraordinary experiences. Woke up around 9.30am to get ready to go over to Li Eng's house to prepare refreshments for the Girl's Ministry hike which will be in the afternoon. We made bread and butter pudding as well as some tuna sandwiches to satisfy everyone's stomach after the hike. After everything, we packed our stuffs and headed back to the city as we were supposed to meet everyone else in the city to take the bus to Morialta Park. The weather was warm. It really felt like its finally spring. No jackets were required and we can finally get out from our house in shorts. We reached the city slightly earlier so we decided to go to Hungry Jacks for ice-cream. Ice cream on a hot day is awesome!!!

So we left the city around 2.15pm and reached Morialta Park at around 2.45pm. Waited for the others and we started our journey hiking up the hills at around 3.15pm. There was a total of 20 of us. The place was just marvelous. It's so beautiful and I was told that if we were lucky enough, we might be able to see koala. Isn't that amazing? Seriously, eventhough I was sleepy, looking at those sceneries just makes me more alert. More energetic to just run up instead of taking a stroll.
Nicole, Lear, Yi Huan and I were so excited like small kids that we kept running forward. Amanda who was the 'mum' kept calling us back to ensure that we were not lost. I felt bad for giving her so much trouble but I just can't help myself. We just kept running away. We climbed here and there like monkeys and Amanda kept asking us to come down. LOL..We did but after like 10 times of calling. LOL..There was once where we did not want to get down and in the end, everyone climbed up to join us. The view from there was breathtaking. After taking a couple of photographs we continued our hike as our aim was to reach the first fall. Which was a few kilometres away.

After minutes of walking, Nicole and I felt a few drops of water on our skin and thought it was drizzling. Anyhow, we can't turn back. We were almost there. The waterfall is just nearby. So we kept walking. Like in 'Finding Nemo' where Dory will say "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming", we went "just keep walking, walking, walking". The perseverance was worth it. We can finally see the waterfall!! A real waterfall. Out of nowhere, Nicole told me "Wei, its not drizzling, its the water from the waterfall..The wind blew those water and thus it felt as though it was raining..LOL". Both of us laughed. Like some retarded girls. Anyways, the water was super cold. It was icy cold.. So we sat on the rocks and just enjoyed the sound and just the cool air surrounding us. Yi Huan and Lear took off their shoes and dipped their feet in the water. They really enjoyed it but when they took their feet off the water, it seems that they were so numb that you can't even feel your toes. LOL..Besides, they just contaminated the water with their 'dirty feet'. Pity those kids who were down stream playing..

Everyone were done talking pictures and thus we walked down hill. The walk down seemed much shorter than the climb up. It's always like that. To is always more torturing than back. Found a great picnic spot and we laid all our food out. Had a time of sharing by Debra and Jade. The topic was about Life stages and it was great. It left me thinking about quite alot of stuffs. After everything, we went back around 7pm. Everyone were tired but surely had enjoyed.

Everything were so perfect except for the part where we were feeding the mosquitoes. It was almost dusk when we did the sharing. So there were a lot of mosquitoes around. The number of bites were uncountable. It was the first time seeing mosquitoes in Adelaide. Had been here for 7 months but I have never seen them. So on this special day, I started to realise that there are mosquitoes in Adelaide too. Not just Malaysia. And oh yea, we did not manage to see koalas. So sad!!

Here are some pictures...

Simply Love

Do we really need to look for 1001 reasons just to love someone? Do we really need to treat people the way they treat us? Can't we just take the initiatives to make the change by just loving and treating people from the bottom of our hearts? By bottom of our hearts I mean just pure. Without considering any other factors and excuses. If everyone can do this, the world will be different. It will be a much better place to accommodate us and all other creatures that are created. Just like the picture above, maybe we can be the one holding the balloon instead of waiting to receive it.

What will we do when a certain someone treats us in a bad way? Will you continue to take them as your friend or will you take revenge by giving them the same treatment you received? There is no right or wrong answer. Different people have different perspectives on things. There are billions of people in this world and there are billions of mind. We are not cloned and thus all of us take things in our own way. Even twins think differently. But we can unite as one.

In my opinion, we can keep things simple. Why complicate it? Just simply love someone. It doesn't really matter if they don't love you back. Atleast you can tell yourself that you're just being yourself when you're with that person. You love him/her the way you want to. That itself is adequate. Love is so much more favourable compared to dislike or in a harsh way- hate. Like what Abraham Lincoln said, "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"

Love is in the air. So if you live on Earth and breathe in the air, you should be exhaling air of love. *Always remember, through the tormoil love may bring, the heart often sees what the eyes cannot.
When love takes over, everything will change.


It's more than saying I LOVE YOU.
* This is general where it includes family love, BGR, friendship as well as just to a stranger.

Missing Malaysia

Yes. The title speaks it all. I miss Malaysia. I miss daddy, mummy and my sisters. LOL..Sounds so childish but yea. I miss them all. Thats why I call home more frequent nowadays. Listening to their voices just soothes my soul. When I am alone and has nothing much to do, the urge to call them is just there. But since semester started, I had been pretty busy with tests coming up and thus I dont really think about home so much. Is that good or bad? I think its positive in a way as I am atleast not distracted because of homesick but the bad thing is, that should not be an excuse. NO matter what, they know I miss them. And that's adequate.

Besides my immediate family, I can't believe that my cousins in Malaysia actually miss me. That just so unbelievable. Webcam-ed with my cousins the other day and I realized one of my cousins is actually now wearing a pair of spectacles. She looked so different. Look like a total nerd..Lol. Everything was fun except for the fact that Kelly showed me her T-shirt. A Pangkor Island T-Shirt. She asked me, "Do you remember this?". I stopped for a moment as I really have no idea about that shirt. In the same time, she is just 8 year-old. I dont want to disappoint her. If she can remember, I should be able to remember too. But my mind was just blank. Seconds later, another cousin sister told me that Kelly got it wrong. They went to Pangkor mid of this year and so it is practically impossible for me to be with them. The point here is, Kelly actually thought I went to that trip. She forgot that I was actually not there. Living with her for one year is really long that it just makes her think that I am with them wherever they go. Hilarious.LOL...

Its end of August and instead of thinking about the finals that is drawing near, I am thinking about going home. Planning on what to do when I am back. Thats ridiculous. On the other hand, look at the bright side, that motivates me to study as the holidays will be so rewarding.

Till then!!!

New Challenges

Few days back was 27th of July which was also my beloved cousin, Claire's 21st birthday. It was kinda sad as I wasn't there to celebrate that memorable day with her. So practically, we chatted on facebook and Msn the whole night. As a way to accompany her so that she doesn't really feel like I was missing. Although she still don't want to admit that she misses me. 24 hours later, on the 28th, it was another cousin, Leanne's 21st. Unfortunately, I wasn't there too. Hope they will both have a great year ahead.

Semester started on the same day as Claire's birthday which was on the 27th. After a 3 weeks break, uni will surely give me a little bit of life as I had been rotting throughout the holidays. I dont know what I did but I am sure to tell that I was busy. LOL.. First lecture itself was a massive influx of informations. Sheridan lectured like a bullet train and I was just trying to catch all that she had said and try to keep them inside my brain. However, only 50% was absorbed. Poor thing. Since holiday, my brain lost it's maximum function speed. Might need a few days to recover. But for sure it won't take long.

Pharmacy Practice lecture was second. It was really nice as we had it in PM-06. After the renovations, it looked so good. It felt so much more comfortable and really gives me the mood to study as everything was just right. From the lighting, to the tables (which wont fall off as you dosed off) and also those seats (which gives me the feeling of chinese new year as it were all red). So yea..Definitely going to enjoy all the lectures in that lecture hall throughout this semester. This subject will be much more challenging this time as I just have a feeling I am going to enjoy it. Hopefully I will. With all those recordings and feedbacks, it actually really makes us improve more rather than like what we did last semester.

So I shall work hard for this semester to achieve what I did not achieve last sem.
I CAN DO IT!

Who Am I

Have you ever wonder who are you and the purpose of you coming to this world? Frankly, I have never given much thought on this until today. The Girl's Ministry of OCF UniSA had a talk on this topic, Who Am I? Before this, I only have a few points on my characteristics in my mind. Not more nor deeper than that. But after today, 23th July 2009, I finally get a clearer point of who am I now. As Amanda shared, I started to reflect and realized how much I have changed. In the handouts given out, there were also columns to write down the positives and negatives experiences that have shaped who you are.

There were many thoughts on the positives but only one negative experience. That experience changed me so much that it is impossible to not realise it. As how the chinese put it, "Each family has it's own problem". At that point when it happened, I started to think, why must it happen to me? How could that? Everything was so normal and fine before this and I really cant accept the change. There are things that I did not imagine will happen or even ever thought it will happen. However, as time goes by, I started to slowly adapt to the situation. I know I have to learn because everything has changed and nothing can be done to reverse that situation. Unfortunately, as time goes by, things did not get better but became worse. I remembered I just hate those situations and everything at home became very stressful for me. For the first time I felt things were so out of control and I just hate it because whatever that is happening is not within my expectations. It was far beyond that. At a level where I have no control at all. There is nothing I can do. I am just a helpless girl in that house. In a house where it contains my once perfect family. Nevertheless, that incident had helped me to be a tougher person. I remembered I was crying like a baby when both my mum and maid came to give me support and courage to just continue the journey believing that things are going to be alright. Furthermore, as the eldest, I must take care of my sisters. I have the responsibility. Now, as years go by, that courage only grew stronger. Nothing can shake it. Once my friend asked me, why am I so realistic at times. How can I not be? Sometimes, people only see from the surface. Who would have ever thought that inside that beautiful house lives a family who once struggled to go on?

Only we ourselves know what exactly is happening. No one can understand us better than ourselves. Do not struggle to be accepted by the crowd as that is only temporal. Besides, you're already accepted as His child. Discovering is a long and exciting journey. It is never ending.